So I am 2nd generation, which means my parents were born abroad and I am the first generation to be born here. Inevitably, what happens as more generations are produced, is that the language becomes lost.
My comprehension, in my family's dialect Fukien, is ok -- I can usually follow the conversations of my aunts and uncle around the dinner table. It also helps that they sprinkle in English words here and there.
My reproduction of Fukien, however, is pretty poor. My tongue feels pretty useless in pronouncing the words correctly.
Fortunately, I've been able to pass on three important phrases to A that should pretty much get her through life:
1) STAND UP ("tsan chi lai"): Used frequently throughout her toddler years when changing her clothes. I still use it to get her to move from her preferred location: planted in front of the TV.
2) HURRY UP ("ha kin nay oh"): Again, probably one of the most useful phrases in parenting. Children never move quite fast enough (unless they are running away from you, diaper-less), so having that phrase handy helps keep us on a time table. It has also come in handy here walking around the city b/c she knows when I say it, she should stay really close to me. It's much more helpful than shouting "HURRY UP!" whenever a questionable person is walking by.
3) BUNS ("ka tsung"): Every culture has an affectionate term for that body part we spend many years wiping clean. Good thing it is such a cute body part. I'm sure being able to refer to it in our native tongue strengthens the cultural bond to our ancestors.
Realistically, the only way she will learn to speak Chinese is by taking Mandarin in high school or college. I'm not sure I'm ready to commit her to spending her weekends in Chinese School.
And really, in the end, the best it will help her with is ordering food in restaurants or helping translate conversations between senior citizens and store keepers, when called upon. That's the best I've been able to do with my Chinese.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Flu
I've been home with A for four days now... going on five. She had a 103 fever and threw up, but has slowly been getting better. Her fever was 99 - 101, but it's gone away. She's had a surprising amount of energy. I was expecting her to be lethargic and tippy, but she's been able to walk around. However, today, she started getting narcoleptic, so we may be out the whole school week. I'm trying to get her take a proper nap, but the Blue Angels are zooming overhead. Boo on Fleet Week!
So far, we've watched a few movies and lots and lots of TV. We made it to the movie theater yesterday and watched "Toy Story" and "Toy Story 2" in 3D. 3 hours and 45 minutes of 3D cartoons... I kept looking at my watch, but stopped after I looked over at her, grinning in her 3D glasses. She was having a grand old time.
So far, we've watched a few movies and lots and lots of TV. We made it to the movie theater yesterday and watched "Toy Story" and "Toy Story 2" in 3D. 3 hours and 45 minutes of 3D cartoons... I kept looking at my watch, but stopped after I looked over at her, grinning in her 3D glasses. She was having a grand old time.
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Blogging Mom Who Lied
This news story today about "April's Mom" is fascinating... a young woman who has been writing a blog was actually lying about being pregnant with a terminally-ill baby. Here's her apology:
http://littleoneapril.blogspot.com
It seems many people became emotionally invested in her story and have been following her blog, hoping she would carry the baby to term.
I'm not surprised that she was able to carry the ruse so far. If she had not posted a picture of her with the doll, then she may have gotten away with it.
She could have used that time to write a fiction piece about the experience she created. But the blogging world makes it much easier to find an audience and get that immediate feedback.
How long was she expecting to go on with the lie?
It reminds me of Azia Kim, the 18 year old girl from Fullerton, CA, who pretended that she was a freshman at Stanford for EIGHT MONTHS before getting caught. She went to classes and even lived in a dorm.
What makes these women try to create and live a certain reality?
http://littleoneapril.blogspot.com
It seems many people became emotionally invested in her story and have been following her blog, hoping she would carry the baby to term.
I'm not surprised that she was able to carry the ruse so far. If she had not posted a picture of her with the doll, then she may have gotten away with it.
She could have used that time to write a fiction piece about the experience she created. But the blogging world makes it much easier to find an audience and get that immediate feedback.
How long was she expecting to go on with the lie?
It reminds me of Azia Kim, the 18 year old girl from Fullerton, CA, who pretended that she was a freshman at Stanford for EIGHT MONTHS before getting caught. She went to classes and even lived in a dorm.
What makes these women try to create and live a certain reality?
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Eight Years... and counting
It is my "baby's" eighth birthday today. It also marks eight years of me being a single mom.
For her b-day party, she wanted to have a slumber party with three friends. So we all have been camping out in our one bedroom apartment. They've taken over my bed. I got kicked out to the couch.
Every time A has her friends over, I have this small knot in my stomach that they will comment on our poorer lifestyle.
I feel this self-imposed pressure to compensate. I try to make our house the most fun or the most "cool." As if using buttercup yellow bowls makes up for the fact that we can't all sit around our kitchen table.
Thankfully, A doesn't seem to notice or mind. It amazes me how proud she is of our home. She will show off different toys and engage them in activities. Last night, they took all the couch pillows off and turned the small bedroom floor into one giant mattress.
In private, I've sometimes asked her things like, "Do you wish we had a bigger home?"
But to her, this is home. It is big because of the love and fun inside.
For her b-day party, she wanted to have a slumber party with three friends. So we all have been camping out in our one bedroom apartment. They've taken over my bed. I got kicked out to the couch.
Every time A has her friends over, I have this small knot in my stomach that they will comment on our poorer lifestyle.
"Why is your house so small?"
"Why do you live in an apartment?"
"Why don't you have your own room?"
I feel this self-imposed pressure to compensate. I try to make our house the most fun or the most "cool." As if using buttercup yellow bowls makes up for the fact that we can't all sit around our kitchen table.
Thankfully, A doesn't seem to notice or mind. It amazes me how proud she is of our home. She will show off different toys and engage them in activities. Last night, they took all the couch pillows off and turned the small bedroom floor into one giant mattress.
In private, I've sometimes asked her things like, "Do you wish we had a bigger home?"
But to her, this is home. It is big because of the love and fun inside.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Money Matters
When it really came down to making my decision, the main thing that worried me was finances. Not having money to raise a child was a very scary prospect. I kept imagining my future kid, dressed in rags, eating at McDonald's every night.
But it was hard to let money be the ONLY factor causing me to choose adoption because my family -- and extended family -- is fairly well-off. It wasn't as if my family didn't have resources. It just didn't seem right to conclude that we couldn't afford another baby.
I have now realized that it still matters most whether _I_ can afford something. Because really, I've always provided for the majority of her costs. Maybe other families are different, but it's not like I can ask for money from my family. And it's not like they've been offering me money over the years.
But back to The Decision... At first, I had to deal with the immediate costs, like medical insurance and hospital fees. After I became pregnant, I was able to continue my student health coverage to last until June, so all of my OB/GYN visits and her delivery were covered.
Some very generous women at my church threw me a baby shower. My friends threw me one as well. I was able to amass the baby paraphernalia I needed for the first six months.
After I had my baby, I moved in with my aunt in my hometown for several months, before finding a job and moving out to an apartment. Since then, we've hopped around apartments, always small 1 bedrooms.
I was on WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) for her first year, which provided free formula and some grocery items. She's had state-funded health insurance, on-and-off.
For the first five years, my mom helped me financially with rent money here and there. I also inherited some money when my grandparents died a few years ago. Both of those things really made it possible for me to survive financially.
When my baby turned two, I went to grad school for two years, taking out loans to pay for that. Now I am steadily employed as a teacher and can pretty much make ends meet without financial help at all.
We don't have many luxuries, but we haven't lived a deprived life. Opportunities pop up for us to attend fancy events. We've traveled a bit on the East Coast and through California. My mother pays for our plane tickets whenever we visit her.
And, my daughter has never had to wear rags. Over the years, she's worn hand-me-down clothes and new clothes and fancy dresses from Nana... but never the rag of my imagination.
And, we only eat at McDonald's a few times a year. So, all-in-all, I am thankful that it has worked out financially. At the rate I'm going, I will never be rich. But I am "rich" in love from her.
But it was hard to let money be the ONLY factor causing me to choose adoption because my family -- and extended family -- is fairly well-off. It wasn't as if my family didn't have resources. It just didn't seem right to conclude that we couldn't afford another baby.
I have now realized that it still matters most whether _I_ can afford something. Because really, I've always provided for the majority of her costs. Maybe other families are different, but it's not like I can ask for money from my family. And it's not like they've been offering me money over the years.
But back to The Decision... At first, I had to deal with the immediate costs, like medical insurance and hospital fees. After I became pregnant, I was able to continue my student health coverage to last until June, so all of my OB/GYN visits and her delivery were covered.
Some very generous women at my church threw me a baby shower. My friends threw me one as well. I was able to amass the baby paraphernalia I needed for the first six months.
After I had my baby, I moved in with my aunt in my hometown for several months, before finding a job and moving out to an apartment. Since then, we've hopped around apartments, always small 1 bedrooms.
I was on WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) for her first year, which provided free formula and some grocery items. She's had state-funded health insurance, on-and-off.
For the first five years, my mom helped me financially with rent money here and there. I also inherited some money when my grandparents died a few years ago. Both of those things really made it possible for me to survive financially.
When my baby turned two, I went to grad school for two years, taking out loans to pay for that. Now I am steadily employed as a teacher and can pretty much make ends meet without financial help at all.
We don't have many luxuries, but we haven't lived a deprived life. Opportunities pop up for us to attend fancy events. We've traveled a bit on the East Coast and through California. My mother pays for our plane tickets whenever we visit her.
And, my daughter has never had to wear rags. Over the years, she's worn hand-me-down clothes and new clothes and fancy dresses from Nana... but never the rag of my imagination.
And, we only eat at McDonald's a few times a year. So, all-in-all, I am thankful that it has worked out financially. At the rate I'm going, I will never be rich. But I am "rich" in love from her.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Single Moms on "American Idol"
Tomorrow night, television’s most captivating competition continues with the “American Idol” Season 8 “Top 12″ – or “Top 13,” as announced during the shocking Wildcard show on Thursday night.
Guess who two of the promising thirteen contestants are? Alexis Grace and Megan Joy Corkrey, both single moms of young tots.
Alexis is the 21-year-old soulful petite mom with a stripe of pink hair from Memphis, TN. Megan is the 23-year-old “current” tattooed singer from Utah who echoes Nelly Furtado.
The interview vignettes show the mothers playing with their babies at home, and lamenting the fact that they have to be away from their children for so long. But, the temporary sacrifice may pay off in the long run, ensuring a better life for their families.
Now, I’m sure that across America, there are plenty of people clucking their tongues in judgment. Why should the most popular TV show showcase unwed mothers? Won’t it send the message to young girls that it’s okay to get pregnant?
I think it sends a stronger message: that despite the difficult circumstances these two young mothers face, they are working hard to pursue their dreams. And isn’t that the ultimate American dream?
Alexis and Megan join the ranks of previous single mother contestants, including Season 3 winner Fantasia Barrino and Season 1 contestant Nikki McKibbin.
-- this was originally posted on my friend's blog, Single Mom Seeking.
Guess who two of the promising thirteen contestants are? Alexis Grace and Megan Joy Corkrey, both single moms of young tots.
Alexis is the 21-year-old soulful petite mom with a stripe of pink hair from Memphis, TN. Megan is the 23-year-old “current” tattooed singer from Utah who echoes Nelly Furtado.
The interview vignettes show the mothers playing with their babies at home, and lamenting the fact that they have to be away from their children for so long. But, the temporary sacrifice may pay off in the long run, ensuring a better life for their families.
Now, I’m sure that across America, there are plenty of people clucking their tongues in judgment. Why should the most popular TV show showcase unwed mothers? Won’t it send the message to young girls that it’s okay to get pregnant?
I think it sends a stronger message: that despite the difficult circumstances these two young mothers face, they are working hard to pursue their dreams. And isn’t that the ultimate American dream?
Alexis and Megan join the ranks of previous single mother contestants, including Season 3 winner Fantasia Barrino and Season 1 contestant Nikki McKibbin.
-- this was originally posted on my friend's blog, Single Mom Seeking.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The Adoption Option
For a while during my pregnancy, I considered adoption. I thought it was only fair to the baby to consider all the possibilities. People are so afraid to bring that option up to an unmarried girl. But I strongly encourage women to really think it through. Because being a mother is not just about playing with babies. That baby grows up to become a sticky, squirmy toddler. That toddler grows up to become a kid.
For me, one important consideration if I gave my baby up for adoption was that I wanted her to go to an Asian couple. I didn't want her growing up with a family that looked different than her.
In perusing one website with loving, stable couples, I could only find white couples and at most, couples with an Asian woman.
Asian couples probably either don't choose adoption or rely on adopting internationally. With China and Korea having two of the largest adoptee populations (and the paucity of domestic Asian birthmothers), it would make sense for Asian couples to seek kids abroad.
But as each picture popped up on the screen, I had this recurring gut feeling that proclaimed "I don't want to give my baby to them!"
For me, I had always known that I wanted to be a mom. And, at that point in my life, I didn't have a specific career or life plan that I would have had to give up in order to be a mom.
I was ok giving up luxuries in order to be a mom. I figured I wouldn't get to travel internationally anymore. I had seen parts of Asian and Europe. I would be ok without travel.
What I didn't realize was that becoming a single mom meant giving up travel within the home. For five years, I would never get to travel to the bathroom alone. Moreover, for seven years, in almost every store around the city, I would have to travel to the bathroom multiple times a day.
For me, one important consideration if I gave my baby up for adoption was that I wanted her to go to an Asian couple. I didn't want her growing up with a family that looked different than her.
In perusing one website with loving, stable couples, I could only find white couples and at most, couples with an Asian woman.
Asian couples probably either don't choose adoption or rely on adopting internationally. With China and Korea having two of the largest adoptee populations (and the paucity of domestic Asian birthmothers), it would make sense for Asian couples to seek kids abroad.
But as each picture popped up on the screen, I had this recurring gut feeling that proclaimed "I don't want to give my baby to them!"
For me, I had always known that I wanted to be a mom. And, at that point in my life, I didn't have a specific career or life plan that I would have had to give up in order to be a mom.
I was ok giving up luxuries in order to be a mom. I figured I wouldn't get to travel internationally anymore. I had seen parts of Asian and Europe. I would be ok without travel.
What I didn't realize was that becoming a single mom meant giving up travel within the home. For five years, I would never get to travel to the bathroom alone. Moreover, for seven years, in almost every store around the city, I would have to travel to the bathroom multiple times a day.
My Story
Every single mother I have ever met had her own story. This is mine.
There are single mothers by choice, single mothers by divorce... I am a single mother by circumstance. I probably fit the idea of what most people have about single moms: Unmarried, unexpectedly pregnant... I have been single since the beginning.
In my seven years of single motherhood, I have only met a handful of other Asian single moms.
Either
A) Asian women are not having as much sex as their counterparts.
B) Asian women are better about using birth control
C) Asian women are getting more abortions.
I believe it must be option C. The Asian culture is so much about "saving face." Unexpected pregnancies are unmentionable in many older generation Asian communities. An unexpected pregnancy derails people from the path to success that most Asian parents have for their children.
I was fortunate in that when I became pregnant, I was already 23 and finished with college. An Ivy League college, for that matter. Having that degree provided a surer economic foundation -- it opened the door to grad school and other work interviews. I am grateful for the post-undergrad timing of my baby's arrival.
There are single mothers by choice, single mothers by divorce... I am a single mother by circumstance. I probably fit the idea of what most people have about single moms: Unmarried, unexpectedly pregnant... I have been single since the beginning.
In my seven years of single motherhood, I have only met a handful of other Asian single moms.
Either
A) Asian women are not having as much sex as their counterparts.
B) Asian women are better about using birth control
C) Asian women are getting more abortions.
I believe it must be option C. The Asian culture is so much about "saving face." Unexpected pregnancies are unmentionable in many older generation Asian communities. An unexpected pregnancy derails people from the path to success that most Asian parents have for their children.
I was fortunate in that when I became pregnant, I was already 23 and finished with college. An Ivy League college, for that matter. Having that degree provided a surer economic foundation -- it opened the door to grad school and other work interviews. I am grateful for the post-undergrad timing of my baby's arrival.
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