The Adoption Option

For a while during my pregnancy, I considered adoption. I thought it was only fair to the baby to consider all the possibilities. People are so afraid to bring that option up to an unmarried girl. But I strongly encourage women to really think it through. Because being a mother is not just about playing with babies. That baby grows up to become a sticky, squirmy toddler. That toddler grows up to become a kid.

For me, one important consideration if I gave my baby up for adoption was that I wanted her to go to an Asian couple. I didn't want her growing up with a family that looked different than her.

In perusing one website with loving, stable couples, I could only find white couples and at most, couples with an Asian woman.

Asian couples probably either don't choose adoption or rely on adopting internationally. With China and Korea having two of the largest adoptee populations (and the paucity of domestic Asian birthmothers), it would make sense for Asian couples to seek kids abroad.

But as each picture popped up on the screen, I had this recurring gut feeling that proclaimed "I don't want to give my baby to them!"

For me, I had always known that I wanted to be a mom. And, at that point in my life, I didn't have a specific career or life plan that I would have had to give up in order to be a mom.

I was ok giving up luxuries in order to be a mom. I figured I wouldn't get to travel internationally anymore. I had seen parts of Asian and Europe. I would be ok without travel.

What I didn't realize was that becoming a single mom meant giving up travel within the home. For five years, I would never get to travel to the bathroom alone. Moreover, for seven years, in almost every store around the city, I would have to travel to the bathroom multiple times a day.

My Story

Every single mother I have ever met had her own story. This is mine.

There are single mothers by choice, single mothers by divorce... I am a single mother by circumstance. I probably fit the idea of what most people have about single moms: Unmarried, unexpectedly pregnant... I have been single since the beginning.

In my seven years of single motherhood, I have only met a handful of other Asian single moms.

Either

A) Asian women are not having as much sex as their counterparts.
B) Asian women are better about using birth control
C) Asian women are getting more abortions.

I believe it must be option C. The Asian culture is so much about "saving face." Unexpected pregnancies are unmentionable in many older generation Asian communities. An unexpected pregnancy derails people from the path to success that most Asian parents have for their children.

I was fortunate in that when I became pregnant, I was already 23 and finished with college. An Ivy League college, for that matter. Having that degree provided a surer economic foundation -- it opened the door to grad school and other work interviews. I am grateful for the post-undergrad timing of my baby's arrival.