2010 will be bringing some pretty big changes.
What's most scary about change is the uncertainty. Status quo can be pretty comforting, albeit boring. Just the other month I was thinking about how my life had NOT changed in three years and how I felt stuck in a rut.
Someone upstairs must have been listening.
What's especially scary is having someone else dependent on me. For example, if I suddenly had to move, I'd be ok crashing on friends' couches. But it's different when you have a kid. We can't even fit on one couch together anymore.
I hope the changes are good. I hope this next chapter is even better.
p.s. yes, my blog entry title is a total Glee allusion...
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
my roots
I ventured into Chinatown today. I thought it might be a good idea to get "sio bao" or "bao zi" (BBQ pork buns) before I picked up A from an overnight. I knew if I drove down Stockton I would find a bakery.
Wing Sing (not to be confused with Yank Sing) had beautiful baked and steamed buns for 80 cents! They're like giant, pillowy, Chinese Hot Pockets. I tried desperately to use my Mandarin in the heavily Cantonese environment.
"Liou ge bao zi," I ordered, holding up my hand in the universal six sign. It looks like the "Hang loose!" gesture with less shaking.
As one woman wrapped by food, another asked me something in Chinese. I repeated what I had said, thinking that lady #2 was the one running the cash register. Nope -- they use gloves to pick up the buns AND collect the dollar bills. So lady #2 was very annoyed with me and started complaining to her coworkers in Chinese.
I left the shop, clutching my neatly bundled Pepto-Bismol-pink box, with my head hung down in shame.
Wing Sing (not to be confused with Yank Sing) had beautiful baked and steamed buns for 80 cents! They're like giant, pillowy, Chinese Hot Pockets. I tried desperately to use my Mandarin in the heavily Cantonese environment.
"Liou ge bao zi," I ordered, holding up my hand in the universal six sign. It looks like the "Hang loose!" gesture with less shaking.
As one woman wrapped by food, another asked me something in Chinese. I repeated what I had said, thinking that lady #2 was the one running the cash register. Nope -- they use gloves to pick up the buns AND collect the dollar bills. So lady #2 was very annoyed with me and started complaining to her coworkers in Chinese.
I left the shop, clutching my neatly bundled Pepto-Bismol-pink box, with my head hung down in shame.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Passing on the Language
So I am 2nd generation, which means my parents were born abroad and I am the first generation to be born here. Inevitably, what happens as more generations are produced, is that the language becomes lost.
My comprehension, in my family's dialect Fukien, is ok -- I can usually follow the conversations of my aunts and uncle around the dinner table. It also helps that they sprinkle in English words here and there.
My reproduction of Fukien, however, is pretty poor. My tongue feels pretty useless in pronouncing the words correctly.
Fortunately, I've been able to pass on three important phrases to A that should pretty much get her through life:
1) STAND UP ("tsan chi lai"): Used frequently throughout her toddler years when changing her clothes. I still use it to get her to move from her preferred location: planted in front of the TV.
2) HURRY UP ("ha kin nay oh"): Again, probably one of the most useful phrases in parenting. Children never move quite fast enough (unless they are running away from you, diaper-less), so having that phrase handy helps keep us on a time table. It has also come in handy here walking around the city b/c she knows when I say it, she should stay really close to me. It's much more helpful than shouting "HURRY UP!" whenever a questionable person is walking by.
3) BUNS ("ka tsung"): Every culture has an affectionate term for that body part we spend many years wiping clean. Good thing it is such a cute body part. I'm sure being able to refer to it in our native tongue strengthens the cultural bond to our ancestors.
Realistically, the only way she will learn to speak Chinese is by taking Mandarin in high school or college. I'm not sure I'm ready to commit her to spending her weekends in Chinese School.
And really, in the end, the best it will help her with is ordering food in restaurants or helping translate conversations between senior citizens and store keepers, when called upon. That's the best I've been able to do with my Chinese.
My comprehension, in my family's dialect Fukien, is ok -- I can usually follow the conversations of my aunts and uncle around the dinner table. It also helps that they sprinkle in English words here and there.
My reproduction of Fukien, however, is pretty poor. My tongue feels pretty useless in pronouncing the words correctly.
Fortunately, I've been able to pass on three important phrases to A that should pretty much get her through life:
1) STAND UP ("tsan chi lai"): Used frequently throughout her toddler years when changing her clothes. I still use it to get her to move from her preferred location: planted in front of the TV.
2) HURRY UP ("ha kin nay oh"): Again, probably one of the most useful phrases in parenting. Children never move quite fast enough (unless they are running away from you, diaper-less), so having that phrase handy helps keep us on a time table. It has also come in handy here walking around the city b/c she knows when I say it, she should stay really close to me. It's much more helpful than shouting "HURRY UP!" whenever a questionable person is walking by.
3) BUNS ("ka tsung"): Every culture has an affectionate term for that body part we spend many years wiping clean. Good thing it is such a cute body part. I'm sure being able to refer to it in our native tongue strengthens the cultural bond to our ancestors.
Realistically, the only way she will learn to speak Chinese is by taking Mandarin in high school or college. I'm not sure I'm ready to commit her to spending her weekends in Chinese School.
And really, in the end, the best it will help her with is ordering food in restaurants or helping translate conversations between senior citizens and store keepers, when called upon. That's the best I've been able to do with my Chinese.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Flu
I've been home with A for four days now... going on five. She had a 103 fever and threw up, but has slowly been getting better. Her fever was 99 - 101, but it's gone away. She's had a surprising amount of energy. I was expecting her to be lethargic and tippy, but she's been able to walk around. However, today, she started getting narcoleptic, so we may be out the whole school week. I'm trying to get her take a proper nap, but the Blue Angels are zooming overhead. Boo on Fleet Week!
So far, we've watched a few movies and lots and lots of TV. We made it to the movie theater yesterday and watched "Toy Story" and "Toy Story 2" in 3D. 3 hours and 45 minutes of 3D cartoons... I kept looking at my watch, but stopped after I looked over at her, grinning in her 3D glasses. She was having a grand old time.
So far, we've watched a few movies and lots and lots of TV. We made it to the movie theater yesterday and watched "Toy Story" and "Toy Story 2" in 3D. 3 hours and 45 minutes of 3D cartoons... I kept looking at my watch, but stopped after I looked over at her, grinning in her 3D glasses. She was having a grand old time.
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Blogging Mom Who Lied
This news story today about "April's Mom" is fascinating... a young woman who has been writing a blog was actually lying about being pregnant with a terminally-ill baby. Here's her apology:
http://littleoneapril.blogspot.com
It seems many people became emotionally invested in her story and have been following her blog, hoping she would carry the baby to term.
I'm not surprised that she was able to carry the ruse so far. If she had not posted a picture of her with the doll, then she may have gotten away with it.
She could have used that time to write a fiction piece about the experience she created. But the blogging world makes it much easier to find an audience and get that immediate feedback.
How long was she expecting to go on with the lie?
It reminds me of Azia Kim, the 18 year old girl from Fullerton, CA, who pretended that she was a freshman at Stanford for EIGHT MONTHS before getting caught. She went to classes and even lived in a dorm.
What makes these women try to create and live a certain reality?
http://littleoneapril.blogspot.com
It seems many people became emotionally invested in her story and have been following her blog, hoping she would carry the baby to term.
I'm not surprised that she was able to carry the ruse so far. If she had not posted a picture of her with the doll, then she may have gotten away with it.
She could have used that time to write a fiction piece about the experience she created. But the blogging world makes it much easier to find an audience and get that immediate feedback.
How long was she expecting to go on with the lie?
It reminds me of Azia Kim, the 18 year old girl from Fullerton, CA, who pretended that she was a freshman at Stanford for EIGHT MONTHS before getting caught. She went to classes and even lived in a dorm.
What makes these women try to create and live a certain reality?
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Eight Years... and counting
It is my "baby's" eighth birthday today. It also marks eight years of me being a single mom.
For her b-day party, she wanted to have a slumber party with three friends. So we all have been camping out in our one bedroom apartment. They've taken over my bed. I got kicked out to the couch.
Every time A has her friends over, I have this small knot in my stomach that they will comment on our poorer lifestyle.
I feel this self-imposed pressure to compensate. I try to make our house the most fun or the most "cool." As if using buttercup yellow bowls makes up for the fact that we can't all sit around our kitchen table.
Thankfully, A doesn't seem to notice or mind. It amazes me how proud she is of our home. She will show off different toys and engage them in activities. Last night, they took all the couch pillows off and turned the small bedroom floor into one giant mattress.
In private, I've sometimes asked her things like, "Do you wish we had a bigger home?"
But to her, this is home. It is big because of the love and fun inside.
For her b-day party, she wanted to have a slumber party with three friends. So we all have been camping out in our one bedroom apartment. They've taken over my bed. I got kicked out to the couch.
Every time A has her friends over, I have this small knot in my stomach that they will comment on our poorer lifestyle.
"Why is your house so small?"
"Why do you live in an apartment?"
"Why don't you have your own room?"
I feel this self-imposed pressure to compensate. I try to make our house the most fun or the most "cool." As if using buttercup yellow bowls makes up for the fact that we can't all sit around our kitchen table.
Thankfully, A doesn't seem to notice or mind. It amazes me how proud she is of our home. She will show off different toys and engage them in activities. Last night, they took all the couch pillows off and turned the small bedroom floor into one giant mattress.
In private, I've sometimes asked her things like, "Do you wish we had a bigger home?"
But to her, this is home. It is big because of the love and fun inside.
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