Sunday, January 11, 2009

The Adoption Option

For a while during my pregnancy, I considered adoption. I thought it was only fair to the baby to consider all the possibilities. People are so afraid to bring that option up to an unmarried girl. But I strongly encourage women to really think it through. Because being a mother is not just about playing with babies. That baby grows up to become a sticky, squirmy toddler. That toddler grows up to become a kid.

For me, one important consideration if I gave my baby up for adoption was that I wanted her to go to an Asian couple. I didn't want her growing up with a family that looked different than her.

In perusing one website with loving, stable couples, I could only find white couples and at most, couples with an Asian woman.

Asian couples probably either don't choose adoption or rely on adopting internationally. With China and Korea having two of the largest adoptee populations (and the paucity of domestic Asian birthmothers), it would make sense for Asian couples to seek kids abroad.

But as each picture popped up on the screen, I had this recurring gut feeling that proclaimed "I don't want to give my baby to them!"

For me, I had always known that I wanted to be a mom. And, at that point in my life, I didn't have a specific career or life plan that I would have had to give up in order to be a mom.

I was ok giving up luxuries in order to be a mom. I figured I wouldn't get to travel internationally anymore. I had seen parts of Asian and Europe. I would be ok without travel.

What I didn't realize was that becoming a single mom meant giving up travel within the home. For five years, I would never get to travel to the bathroom alone. Moreover, for seven years, in almost every store around the city, I would have to travel to the bathroom multiple times a day.


Sarah said...

I'm 19 years old - Asian, 32 weeks pregnant, and a single parent (if I choose to keep the child) // I'm currently going through a turmoil about what is the right choice for me. Unlike you though, I still have to go back to university for a whole 4 years to obtain my degree after I give birth. I'm very interested in how your life has turned out, and everything. =]

des1 said...

Right now, seven years later, things are good. I'm teaching middle school at the same school that my daughter goes to. It's been pretty stable these last three years.

But it's been extremely hard too. I will elaborate more as I post more on this blog.

It is a tough spot that you are in, Sarah... but both options you have right now are good options. I hope this blog helps you in making your decision.